Israel: World Tired of Us

The Daily Zionist - Tel Aviv - July 2, 2010

Israeli Minister of Trade, Industry and Labor, Binyamin Ben-Eliezer, says the world is tired of Israel and that Israel, rather than the Gaza Strip, is actually the terrorist state.

"We're the ones maintaining a blockade. And we too are blockaded, utterly isolated. This business just isn't working anymore. We're in a situation where the world is tired of us," the Jewish Daily quoted Ben-Eliezer as saying in an interview in the Yediot Ahronot Friday supplement.

"They're tired of hearing our excuses, of feigning sympathy for us under pressure from our lobbies, when all we do is kill and oppress. (The world is) Tired of trying to understand us. No one believes our bullshit anymore. After 43 years, nobody wants to hear any more excuses about why this occupation is continuing and how we have nobody to talk to," Eliezer continued.

Born in 1936 in Basra in southern Iraq, Binyamin “Fuad” Ben-Eliezer is the senior leader of the Labor Party’s hawkish wing, a tough-as-nails ex-general and a seasoned war criminal.

Mossad Chief Meir Dagan expressed similar concerns. "It's true that the international community is fed up with our incessant lies, which spew forth like the political equivalent of the BP oil rig blowout", he said. "Of course we're the terrorists. We invented modern terrorism, we were founded on terrorism and we continue to thrive on it. We grew up on terror and racism and we're addicted to it. And as I mentioned not long ago, we're a burden on the United States and have no strategic relevance to them at all." Dagan is celebrated in Israel for his no-nonsense approach to being a war criminal and his history of cutting off Palestinians' heads with Japanese knives.

The comments have encouraged other Israeli officials to come clean about the Jewish state's true nature. Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu's bizarre response to the surprising outpouring of honesty from across the Israeli political spectrum came from his office in the form of a press release, which simply read: "Holocaust! 6 million, holocaust, holocaust, victims, holocaust holocaust."

In an unusual demonstration of unanimity, an Israeli cross-party motion is urging the parliament to pass legislation that will mandate an official Israeli confession to the people of Occupied Palestine and the international community that the Zionist regime has been full of shit all along on a wide range of issues, including the 2008-09 Gaza offensive, the recent flotilla massacre, the USS Liberty incident of 1967 and even the origins of the state itself and its ostensible legitimacy.

"The motion will be adopted. There's no doubt," Tal Nachum, spokesman for the far-right Yisrael Beiteinu party, told Reuters late Thursday. "At this point, I think if we could sever economic, diplomatic and military ties with ourselves, we would. We're so fucking full of shit that even we can't bear us anymore."

The Obama White House has thus far remained conspicuously silent on the recent developments in Jerusalem, amid escalating tension in Washington. Josh Block, spokesman for the powerful American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC), told the Daily Zionist that Israel has become one of at least eight "existential threats" to itself and must be stopped. AIPAC has scheduled urgent meetings with members of Congress in order to tell them what to do, think and say in response to the issue. According to sources close to AIPAC, Jewish lobbyists are busy drafting legislation for lawmakers calling on the U.S. government to deliver a $6 billion emergency security assistance package to Israel, including four state-of-the-art F22 fighter jets.

Abraham Foxman, National Director of the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), reflexively issued a statement condemning American and Israeli leaders for their "recidivistic anti-Semitism" and blasting the Jewish state as a nation of "self-hating Jews".


Inspired by two real PressTV articles: World tired of us: Israeli minister, July 1, and German motion urges end to Gaza siege, July 2.

Osama bin Laden shoots US troops, Kennedy, flies 747s into Eiffel Tower, KGB, claims responsibility for Oklahoma, Waco, questions Hauliecost™

Human Rights Violations in Afghanistan


What??! He dares question the Hauliecost™?? Nuke 'em!!



I don't necessarily agree with everything said, nor his general attitude, but he makes some interesting points

ZBS-Zionist Broadcasting System Welcomes You to our Fall Schedule!

ZBS, the world-wide net that circles the globe and is responsible for fine programs like "9/11: Why HAMAS and Hezbollah attacked New York" and the never ending Holocaust™ telethon for the 666,000 SHOAH™ survivors is pleased to add several programs to our Fall schedule that should enchant and keep peacefully chewing their cud our American audience.

The first offering is "The Rebbe" the story of Lev Rosenbaum, a New Jersey Rabbi who travels the world, looking for kidneys, hearts and livers to harvest from our herd. Watch "The Rebbe" use skillful persuasion and a .357 Magnum to coax his subject into back-alley operating rooms, all to save the lives of G-d's 'Chosen.'
(Producer's note: "The Rebbe" will be temporarily postponed, due to vile anti-Semitism and a Jew hating prosecutor who is trying to make Rabbi Lev post bail)

Next up is "Our Boys in Blue" a tender look at the brave IDF troops who put it all on the line, defending Israel from the Muslim hordes. Follow the daily routine of 'Bennie,' 'Ariel' and 'Ehud' as they set up a sniper post 600 yards outside Gaza and pick off uppity Gazans who think they need water to drink and food to live.
You'll enjoy the high definition close-ups of disintegrating heads and exploding stomachs as our 'best of the best' target Palestinian kids and their pregnant mothers. The Hasidic Rabbi focus groups we showed this to at select synagogues howled with laughter at the zesty carnage!!

Last, but certainly not least, is our look into MOSSAD ops around the world, entitled, "Die GOY, DIE" which looks into the intrepid exploits of MOSSAD agents as they are welcomed into the halls of power around the globe, from the US Congress, to our man in Paris, to 10 Downing Street to Germany's Bundestag, where they coax, bribe, set off false-flags, threaten, ply with sexual favors and to keep the free-thinkers in line, execute the occasional 'suicide' of some GOY fool who thinks he/she should actually serve their public.

So tune in to ZBS and we think you'll be glad you did.

Some of our guests appearing this season on "Die, GOY, DIE"

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Our top earning associates can claim a bonus by sending in a video recording that shows you wearing a balaclava and dark eyeglasses, standing in front of the camera with an AK47 and shouting "Death to America, Death to Israel" as you state that your al Qaeda™ (insert location) group was responsible for that vehicle bomb and hinting at more death and destruction!

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Iranian leaders converging on D.C. for advocacy day on Israel

September 9, 2009

WASHINGTON (Press TV) -- Top U.S. congressional leaders and an Obama administration official are scheduled to meet with Iranian leaders to discuss how to stop Israel from adding more nuclear weapons to its stockpile of over 300.

Rep. Howard Berman (D-Calif.), chairman of the House of Representatives Foreign Affairs Committee, which will handle legislation dealing with Israel sanctions, and the top two GOP lawmakers in the House, Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) and Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.), will speak to and take questions Thursday from more than 300 Iranian communal leaders in Washington as part of the National Iranian Leadership Advocacy Day on Israel.

Most of the participants in Thursday's event also will visit Capitol Hill to lobby lawmakers to adopt sanctions legislation now before Congress, while some others will meet with officials at foreign embassies -- including Italy, India and Russia -- to drive home the importance of a united international front against the Zionist regime, organizers said.

The advocacy day is a key element in the major push to raise awareness on the Israeli issue targeted at both the Iranian community and the rest of the country. It is being spearheaded by the Inter-agency Task Force on Israel, which is led by the Conference of Presidents of Major American Iranian Organizations, the Iranian Council for Public Affairs, United Iranian Communities and NCSM: Advocates on behalf of Muslims in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Syria and Lebanon.

It comes a few days after nine Islamic and mosque organizations representing four Iranian movements issued a joint statement calling for American Iranians to “make Israel a matter of the highest urgency,” and two weeks before a Sept. 24 rally in New York protesting Israeli President 'Bennie' Netanyahu's speech at the United Nations General Asembly.

Leaders of Thursday's event say they will urge the passage of Israel sanctions legislation already pending before Congress, including the Israel Refined Uranium Sanctions Act that would place sanctions on companies helping Israel to import and produce refined uranium. But they also stress that their message is broader than just sanctions.

President Obama's Chief of Staff, Mohammed aL Ram told us at press time that he would attend the meetings.

Click here to read the original article from JTA. All I did was to switch Israel with Iran and add a few words.

"Are you a REAL American?"

Are you a REAL American or just some latte sipping poseur?

Take this red, white and blue quiz to see if you really are an American or some Bin Laden wannabe.

1.) Whenever you hear the National Anthem, do you:

A) Come to attention, whip off a snappy salute and get all teary-eyed.
B) Scratch your crotch and wonder if the old lady's getting that beer.
C) Oil your AK47 while shouting "Allah Akbar."

2.) You see a bunch of smelly hippy types protesting the Iraq War, what would you do?

A) Immediately stop your pickup truck, get out your 'tire checker' and start bashing some commie punks in the face.
B) Don't pay any attention, since you're on you cell phone, trying to talk your wife's sister into meeting at a motel.
C) Stop your car and join the traitors.

3.) What cable news channels do you watch?

A) FOX News runs on my TV 24 hours a day.
B) MSNBC and Lifetime.
C) Al Jazeera

4.) While at your son's Little League game, you notice some radicals not saluting "Old Glory" while walking past that icon, what should be done?

A) Grab your trusty TAZER and shock some sense into those Gawd-less lesbian faggots.
B) You didn't see them, since you were too busy trying to seduce the coaches wife.
C) Haul down 'Old Glory' and use it in your Jim Morrison imitation.

5.) While listening to Rush Limbaugh on your 500 watt radio in the park, you notice some shifty types not paying attention to his Majesty, what would be your reaction?

A) Wait until station break, then go over and introduce your steel toed boots to those scum.
B) You didn't notice, since you were too busy making out with your brother's sister.
C) "What's a Rush Limbaugh?"

6.) Although your FIVE college deferments kept you from serving your country during the righteous Vietnam War, you see some punks demonstrating in front of a Marine Corp recruiting office, what would be your reaction?

A) Grab some of your like minded buddies out of the bar and start beating some patriotism into those assholes.
B) "Hey, that one blonde haired babe demonstrating is kinda hot!"
C) Make sure your kaffiyeh is on properly and join the demonstrators.

7.) You hear from the "Glenn Beck" show that the ACLU is going to be in town to file a brief, what would be your reaction?

A) Get in touch with the local VFW (Veterans for Wars) and agree to find these vermin and show them some bare-knuckle respect.
B) You're not sure if you'll be in town that day, since your fraternity bro's are throwing a reunion kegger.
C) Send another healthy donation to the ACLU.

8.) Your US Senator is going to be at a "Town Hall" meeting to discuss health care, what would you do?

A) Go there packing your trusty M-16 with its 40 round mag, waving a sign that says "No Commie Health" even though you don't have health care and will probably lose your home if you ever wind up in a hospital.
B) You won't be able to attend, since the coach caught you making out with his wife and put you into the hospital.
C) I'll be too busy reading my Koran.


SCORING: 3 points for each A; 2 points for each B and ZERO points for each C.

0-8: If you're still in this country by the end of the week, Pinko, TWO of our beefier 'customer service reps' will pay you a visit and give you and up close and personal teaching of what it means to be an American.

9-16: Your blood might be red, but you're nothing more than a Chardonnay sipping, croissant eating pussy.

17-24: Congratulations! You're one of a disappearing kind, a real 'John Wayne' kind of American. Join us in our monthly meeting by the old oak tree on Nathan Forest road and meet others like yourself.

P.S. BYOS---- Bring your own sheet.

Exclusive pics of the interior of doomed WTC Flight 11

Exclusive pic of the interior of Flight 11 moments before it slammed into the WTC's North Tower on 9/11.


And one from the interior of Flight 175 right before it was deliberately crashed into the WTC's South Tower. The Hasidic Rabbis are ecstatic because they're about to meet their G-d!


Notice the Rabbi blowing 'shofar' on his ram shaped trumpet, letting their G-d know to make way for some of the Chosen.

(Thanks to Grim Reaper for the idea)

Alex Jones Kenyan Birth Certificate

Join in the fun, make your own Kenyan Birth Certificate at Kenyan Birth Certificate Generator - Make your own! Invalidating legitimate presidencies since 2009!

While looking for info on Jones, I could find references to his father, but not his mother. Is Alex a Sayanim?

Infensus Mentis Exposed as a Zionist Agent

Welcome Back Mr Lyntonstein - part 1



Part 2 is here.

Israel to Close US Embassies

Holocau$t™ News: Washington--Israeli Embassy spokesperson "Bennie" Thugstein announced today that Israel will close its embassies in New York and DC due to a lack of qualified personnel.

"We're in a real bind here. Many of our best administrators have been hired by President Obama to fill his cabinet with Zionists and Israeli-Firsters. While that makes us extremely happy, it also leaves us short of key people needed to staff our combination embassy/MOSSAD hangouts," said Thugstein.

Thugstein also said that "While we probably could get some help from our good friends at the AIPAC Lobby, that wouldn't be much help, since their forte is bribing and corrupting the U.S. Congress and not running a bureaucracy."

Thugstein added that they might promote some key MOSSAD personnel to upper echelon positions, but that they were so busy now creating conditions for the next false-flag against America, that they wouldn't have enough time to devote to running the day to day operations of the embassies.

"We also talked with our good friends on Wall Street and tried to recruit some, but they said they hand their hands full, literally, looting American pension funds and 401K retirement accounts and couldn't part with any of their staff, so we'll just have to bite the bagel and for now, close some embassies until this staffing shortage is over."

Reporting from Washington, this is Moe Ronn for Holocau$t™ News

Kim Jong-il Converts to Islam, Obama issues invasion orders

Holocaust™ News (Washington)--This morning, President Obama convened his war cabinet after learning that North Korea's leader, Kim Jung iL, had converted to Islam.

"The world can not stand by while a madman, possessing WMD's, converts to a religion of hatred and death. I have told my top Department of Defense liaison, General "Moshe" Steinberg, to immediately begin "Operation Yahweh," to free North Koreans from the threat of mosques mushrooming over the North Korean skyline," stated Obama.

"My message to the North Korean people is this: We come in peace, with our F-16's, Tomahawk cruise missiles and B-2 bombers to free you from the confines of your "Dear Leader."

Our fight is not with you, but with your country, your way of life, your free health care and your 99% literacy rate."

"There will be some uncomfortable moments during the liberation phase and sometimes, those smart bombs can be pretty dumb, but watching your family get blown to bits is a small price to pay for freedom, USA style," said the president.

The Pentagon is already releasing this picture of Obama welcoming North Koreans to the "Shock and Awe" club, reserved for the select few.




Highly placed Pentagon sources says back channel negotiations between North Korea and the White House have only yielded Kim Jung iL's offer to change back to his original name, Yuri Irsenovich Kim to acknowledge his Bolshevik upbringing, but this source says the LOBBY has nixed this offer.

This is Moe Ronn reporting for Holocaust™ news.

Chelmsford School for Butlers

Lost your job?

Losing your home?

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Don't wait, call TODAY! These minimum wage jobs are going fast!

Out of work? Ready to do anything? Why not sign on as a student at the elite Chelmsford school and learn how to "truly" serve your master and mistress?

Become a part of the ultimate solution to our middle class woes, preferred by CEOs and talk radio hosts!

The Joys of Kosher Ecstasy

Painting the synagogue red: kosher Es
generously donated by the Abergils

A Japanese court sentenced an Israeli to eight years in prison on Friday after convicting him of attempting to smuggle Ecstasy into the country, according to friends of his family.

The Israeli, who was a minor at the time of the crime, is the youngest of three yeshiva students arrested a year ago while attempting to enter Japan with suitcases containing large quantities of Ecstasy pills.

The other two Israelis, Yoel Goldstein and Yaakov Yosef Grinwald, are still waiting to face trial.

Goldstein, Grinwald and the minor were arrested in April 2008 at Tokyo's Narita International airport after arriving on a flight from Amsterdam. Customs officials found that they were carrying 90,000 Ecstasy pills after suspicions were raised over their large suitcases.

The affair has caused shockwaves in the Satmar Hasidic ultra-orthodox community to which the three men belong.

Two more Satmar Hasidim are suspected of being behind the operation: Haim Roter is believed to have fled to Europe and Ben Zion Miller was arrested in Israel in February.

Police believe Miller worked for an Israeli criminal organization that they suspect is connected to the Abergil family.

Wasted Orthodox Jews party out at a Hasidic rave (tisch)

My FUN FUN day in Israel!

After receiving a personal invite from the Israeli Ministry of Tourism for an all expenses paid trip to Israel that they'd guaranteed to be fun, this reporter took an El Al airlines flight out of New York to Eretz Israel and was amazed at the amount of "Good! Double Good" activities they had planned.

To start off with, my personal guide, Sabra was a stunningly beautiful Israeli babe, who seemed more than interested in me for late night activities!

Our first stop was at Israeli's top secret nuclear weapons complex at Dimona! My, what a facility. An elevator took us 20 floors beneath the sandy desert to a huge underground complex where the IDF was working on several variations of 150 mg thermonuclear weapons and even a few neutron bombs. Sabra explained that the neutron bomb was the perfect Israeli bomb, as it only killed people she referred to as "GOY and left the property and possessions intact for future Israeli inhabitants!

The next stop was the Israel Institute for Biological Research in Ness Ziona, where all sorts of biological weapons are made, even one my guide said would only kill Arabs and not Jews, since it was based on genetics.
That startled me, since I've always been told that the Israeli Jews were descendants of other ME Jews. My guide told me that at least 90% of all Jews living in Israel aren't descendants of ancient ME Jews, but people that had live in Eastern Europe and converted to Judaism for financial reasons back in the 9th Century, but to not let that out, since it was THE state secret of Israel and that's why current Israeli Jews wouldn't be affected by this genetic bomb.

We had to don Level 1 Hazmat suits and wear self-contained breathing devices to enter, as the nasty germs they keep there have a habit of trying to escape and infect those "GOY" types.

She pointed out a flock of chickens they were experimenting on for some type of flu, but it was above my limited understanding of biology!

By now it was edging towards noon, so the next part of the tour involved lunch in the West Bank. We sat on a hilltop and had a sumptuous feast spread out before us, including what my guide said was the state food of Israel, falafel. The scenery was gorgeous, but it was a bit unsettling to see a heavily armed troop of Israeli soldiers nearby. Sabra said not to worry, to enjoy the food and views.

I noticed a large, rather unruly crowd of side curl wearing types, carrying baseball bats, clubs and M-16's move towards a Palestinian farmer in his fields. They descended upon the elderly man with a vengeance, beating him about the head and chest with the bats. A couple members of his family came out and they too were set upon by these people my guide said were Hasidics. One man, their Rabbi, was exhorting them on to beat the farmer and his family senseless and directing others who were dousing the farmer's olive trees with gasoline and setting them ablaze.

I thought the IDF troops would intervene and stop this insanity, but they just stood around, smoking cigarettes and making jokes. One even got into a heavily armored tank/bulldozer and helped the "Hasidics" by bulldozing olive trees and homes.



This was very unnerving to me, so much so I lost my appetite, but Sabra reached over and sensuously stroked my inner thigh and whispered some very provocative suggestions into my ear and all was well.

Sabra then said I was in for a treat, a helicopter ride!!!

We got onto what she called an "Apache" helicopter and zoomed up into the skies. In no time, my helicopter and six others were flying over what looked like some city that had been bombed out of existence, but there were still people on the ground, running fast for shelter for some reason.
That reason was shortly forthcoming, as the "Apaches" started firing rockets and using their machine guns to shoot anything on the ground that moved. I asked Sabra why and she replied that those on the ground had asked for this peaceful incursion by refusing to recognize Israel as an exclusive Jewish state.

Seeing the bodies explode and being shot to pieces made me so sick, I threw up, but again, Sabra was there for me, suggestively rubbing my groin and licking my ear, which made me forget the scenes on the ground!!



Sabra then informed me that the last stop was to a tony little Tel Aviv suburb called Herzliya, where I'd meet some of Israel's finest, the men and women of some group she called the MOSSAD.

We entered what appeared to be just another home in Herzliya, but once inside, it was apparent that it was some sort of heavily armed base, with machine gun toting guards all about.
We met a Mr. Dagan, who showed us some recent activities of the MOSSAD, like creating pirates off Somalia and investing trillions of US dollars that Wall Street had generously given to Israel.

One curious object in a side room was a mockup of two large skyscrapers that looked like the WTC. I asked Mr. Dagan about that and he immediately barked out something in Yiddish and an aide swiftly closed the door.
In a moment, Sabra was at my side, rubbing her voluptuous body against mine and suggesting we retire to a close by hotel!!!!

Thus ended my visit to Israel, with a night of passionate sex with Sabra. Sabra was so accommodating, she even agreed to help me write my story for a large New York paper which I can't name here, but that grey old lady will definitely will print Sabra's press release--which I will retype in my own words, after all, we journalists have an ethical standard to uphold!!-- to help show the world what a sweet, kind, peaceful and generous nation Israel is to our readers!!!

Reporting from Israel, this is Moe Ronn for the Times.

Neocon Secrets Revealed--From JFK to 9/11

BBC reporter Cloud Morris takes us on a tour of the ultra-secret GOP headquarters left behind by the Bush administration. From JFK to 9/11, every room offers new clues to what REALLY happened in the Bush Administration...... and beyond.



Courtesy of our friends at Liberty News

AIPAC issues guidelines for US Congress

For our upcoming "Israel is the most peaceful nation on the Earth" seminar, to be held in Washington, DC May 3-5, 2009, AIPAC has issued the following correct protocols for those Senators and Reps that will be attending one of our many functions in DC. Those that choose not to, will be risking career suicide.

A typical session will be like this "Gala Banquet" that is to be held Sunday evening, May 4.

Senate Majority Whip Richard Durbin (D-IL), Republican Whip Jon Kyl (R-AZ), House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-MD) and House Republican Whip Eric Cantor (R-VA) join hundreds of their congressional colleagues, foreign dignitaries and activists from across the country in celebrating the U.S.-Israel alliance.

The following day, Senator John "LIPS" Kerry, chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, will be given a special one on one session behind closed doors.

Our most favorite Capitol Hill "HO," Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, is due to shed her skin that week and will not be able to attend.
And we are saddeded to accept former U.N. ambassador John Bolton's regrets that he will not be able to attend, since the honorable ambassador is recovering from anaphylactic shock, due to Mr. Bolton swallowing some of his own foam.

Our, oops, I mean "your" president, that Schwarz Obama, will be there in the person of MOSSAD agent Rahm Emanuel, Obama's Chief of Staff.



Upon entering the event, US Senators and Representatives will receive ONE complimentary Holocaust™ by DKNY gift bag, containing the following:

One tub of KY Jelly

One set of industrial strength knee pads and

One large box of tissues (For help in wiping off those unseemly white spots that get splattered on your face!)

Senators and Reps are reminded that in case of rectal tearing, AIPAC is not responsible for medical care.

And please, maintian protocol. The knee pads are not to be used for begging for money and attention.

The pads are to be used to help "facilitate" one on one action with your favorite Jewish idol.

Remember to celebrate AIPAC's theme that Israel is the world's most peaceful nation.... or ELSE!

You're "anti-3 STOOGIC", aren't you?

From the 1913 Webster Dictionary:

Semitic
Sem*it"ic Of or pertaining to Shem or his descendants; belonging to that division of the Caucasian race which includes the Arabs, Jews, and related races. [Written also Shemitic.]

So Semite is from or pertaining to the tribe of Shem? In ancient times, they were known as "Shemites."

Are there also "Larryites" and "Curlyites?"

And "Moeites?"

Can one be "anti-Moeitic?"

Can you look at these lovable mugs and still proclaim to be "anti-3 Stoogeic?"



"Nyuckkk, nyuckkkkk, nyuckkkkk"

President Obama rushed to hospital

Holocaust™ News Service- Washington, DC 15 Nissan, 5769

President Obama was rushed to a local emergency room this evening, while hosting a SEDER in the White House, celebrating the most holy Jewish Passover.

"I don't know what happened, commented Obama's social secretary, Samantha Tubman. "The President was doing what he usually does whenever he has his Jewish Masters over. Obama was on his knees, kissing Rabbi's rings and a certain body part which I won't mention, due to National Security, when he started having trouble breathing and collapsed."

"Herbie" Ziskend, aide to Vice President Biden, said "Obama was being the complete gracious and subservient host, just the way us Chosen Ones like to see the American president act, when he started gasping for air. This is most distressing to the Rabbi's attending the first ever SEDER hosted by a sitting president. This could call into question Obama's loyalty to Israel."

Lisa Kohnke, the White House deputy director of advance and special events, said Obama might of had a reaction to licking all of those Matzo Balls. "I've seen this before, said Kohnke. "Some GOY politician tries to lick every Matzo Ball in the room and has a reaction to all of that grease dripping off those balls."

At press time, the White House, Capt. Jeff Kuhlman, MD Obama's personal physician , said Obama was resting comfortably and would return to servicing his Jewish Masters tomorrow.

White House videographer Arun Chaudhary said he had recorded the entire event and would rush the footage to Tel Aviv, where the Supreme Rabbinical Council would view Obama's transgressions and decide upon a proper punishment.

For Holocaust™ news, I'm Bennie Dipschitz reporting from the White House.

Israel's Chief Rabbi Issues an Improved Ten Commandments

Holocaust™ News Service-Tel Aviv

Following the IDF's peaceful incursion into Gaza , and reading the unprovoked and bitter comments about the world's "most moral" army, the Chief Rabbi of Israel, the most Holy "Bennie" LIpschtiz, issued his revised Ten Commandments.

"All the Chosen Ones know that they are blessed, especially the Rabbi's of Israel, who can get into an argument with G-d and the Rabbi will win. Since G-d has been losing arguments with the holiest of the holy, us Rabbis, it was time to update the Ten Commandments to reflect this change in spiritual leadership," said Rabbi Lipschitz.

Here are the Dear and Blessed Rabbi's New and Improved 10 Commandments:

ONE: 'You shall have no other gods before Me.'.... except Israel and her you shall worship like it was a golden calf.

TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image'... unless that image is made of gold.

THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.'.. nor shall thy say anything negative about Israel.

FOUR: 'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.' ... unless Israel needs to invade a neighbor.

FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother.' ... Your Father Judaism and your Mother, Israel.

SIX: 'You shall not murder.' ... Jews. Thou shalt murder Muslims and Christians, especially Palestinians children.

SEVEN: 'You shall not commit adultery.' ... with another Jew. Only adultery committed with the GOY is permissible in G-d's eyes.

EIGHT: 'You shall not steal.'... from the Jews. Thou shalt plunder as much as one can carry away from the GOY, especially Americans.

NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.'.... if that neighbor is a Jew. It is mandated that thou shalt bear false witness against GOY.

TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbor's ass.... Unless that ass belongs to a hot-looking blonde shiksa, then thou shalt pound that stuff relentlessly.

"We're having a Baby!"

Holocaust™ News Service-New York

Mr. Robert Kagan and his wife, Mrs. William Kristol are proudly announcing to the world the birth of their baby, the Foreign Policy Initiative, nicknamed FPI.

"I'm so happy," beamed the obviously happy Mrs. Kristol, "That this newest creation, spawned from my rectum, will grow up to be just like his big brother, the Project for the New American Century , or as we lovingly call that thing, PNAC!!!"

Not to be outdone, the husband, Mr. Kagan said that "Having little FPI around to stir up trouble and woe on our cattle, the GOY, is a wonderful thing to behold. Maybe his brother, PNAC, will teach FPI how to make another Pearl Harbor," said Mr. Kagan, winking at me and smiling ear to ear.

Mrs. William Kristol said that "FPI will be a tax-exempt entity, since everyone knows that us Chosen Ones don't pay taxes, that chore is for our beasts of burden. Which helps make all the pain from the rectal tearing and anal warts I suffered bringing little FPI to life worth every thrust!!!"

"I must admit, but only to my numerous fans, that Mr. Kagan suffers from impotence and I had to get a little help from Jamie Fly, who did to me what he did to Ohio in the 2004 presidential campaign!!"

"As soon as we can, we're going to get the rest of our coven together and chant long forgotten spells written in ancient Greek and 6th Century BC Aramaic over little FPI to give him that little extra he'll need to accomplish his tasks," said Mrs. William Kristol. "This should put little FPI in touch with those we worship, like Sheol and Tophet!!"

Little FPI in all his crowning glory



This reporter couldn't but help notice the two horns protruding from the spawn's deathskull like head and the hideous grin on its face, but due to decorum, I elected to not point this out to the enthusiastic couple.

Reporting from Our Blessed Talmud Hospital in Manhattan, this is Ariel Sharon for Holocaust™ news service.