Goldman Sachs to start printing its own currency

New York--Today U.S. Treasury officials announced that Goldman Sachs will start printing its own currency to be called Goldman's Own Denomination or GOD for short.

"GOD notes will be used in place of the worthless dollar bills and Americans will be required to turn in all of their cash to exchange them for the new GOD," said Secretary of the Treasury Tim Geithner.

He continued "We who are in charge of the nation's money supply know best and we know that the dollar bills Americans are holding onto are worth less than soiled toilet paper, so we are coming to your rescue with GOD. After all, if you can't trust Wall Street and the Federal Reserve, who can you trust?"

The new GOD notes will feature the image of the best liked man in America, Fed Reserve head Ben Bernanke

To further help this transfer, said Geithner, when Americans come to turn in their money for the new GOD, they should also bring all of their gold and valuable jewelry, including wedding rings.

"Without turning in all of your gold to your loyal and trusted bankers of the Federal Reserve and Wall Street, we won't be able to turn the tide against this economic malaise."

Treasury Department officials said that US Marshals would be used to 'help' Americans find that gold they had stashed in case of a rainy day and 'persuade' them to turn it over to the Treasury Department.