"Are you a REAL American?"
Are you a REAL American or just some latte sipping poseur?
Take this red, white and blue quiz to see if you really are an American or some Bin Laden wannabe.
1.) Whenever you hear the National Anthem, do you:
A) Come to attention, whip off a snappy salute and get all teary-eyed.
B) Scratch your crotch and wonder if the old lady's getting that beer.
C) Oil your AK47 while shouting "Allah Akbar."
2.) You see a bunch of smelly hippy types protesting the Iraq War, what would you do?
A) Immediately stop your pickup truck, get out your 'tire checker' and start bashing some commie punks in the face.
B) Don't pay any attention, since you're on you cell phone, trying to talk your wife's sister into meeting at a motel.
C) Stop your car and join the traitors.
3.) What cable news channels do you watch?
A) FOX News runs on my TV 24 hours a day.
B) MSNBC and Lifetime.
C) Al Jazeera
4.) While at your son's Little League game, you notice some radicals not saluting "Old Glory" while walking past that icon, what should be done?
A) Grab your trusty TAZER and shock some sense into those Gawd-less lesbian faggots.
B) You didn't see them, since you were too busy trying to seduce the coaches wife.
C) Haul down 'Old Glory' and use it in your Jim Morrison imitation.
5.) While listening to Rush Limbaugh on your 500 watt radio in the park, you notice some shifty types not paying attention to his Majesty, what would be your reaction?
A) Wait until station break, then go over and introduce your steel toed boots to those scum.
B) You didn't notice, since you were too busy making out with your brother's sister.
C) "What's a Rush Limbaugh?"
6.) Although your FIVE college deferments kept you from serving your country during the righteous Vietnam War, you see some punks demonstrating in front of a Marine Corp recruiting office, what would be your reaction?
A) Grab some of your like minded buddies out of the bar and start beating some patriotism into those assholes.
B) "Hey, that one blonde haired babe demonstrating is kinda hot!"
C) Make sure your kaffiyeh is on properly and join the demonstrators.
7.) You hear from the "Glenn Beck" show that the ACLU is going to be in town to file a brief, what would be your reaction?
A) Get in touch with the local VFW (Veterans for Wars) and agree to find these vermin and show them some bare-knuckle respect.
B) You're not sure if you'll be in town that day, since your fraternity bro's are throwing a reunion kegger.
C) Send another healthy donation to the ACLU.
8.) Your US Senator is going to be at a "Town Hall" meeting to discuss health care, what would you do?
A) Go there packing your trusty M-16 with its 40 round mag, waving a sign that says "No Commie Health" even though you don't have health care and will probably lose your home if you ever wind up in a hospital.
B) You won't be able to attend, since the coach caught you making out with his wife and put you into the hospital.
C) I'll be too busy reading my Koran.
SCORING: 3 points for each A; 2 points for each B and ZERO points for each C.
0-8: If you're still in this country by the end of the week, Pinko, TWO of our beefier 'customer service reps' will pay you a visit and give you and up close and personal teaching of what it means to be an American.
9-16: Your blood might be red, but you're nothing more than a Chardonnay sipping, croissant eating pussy.
17-24: Congratulations! You're one of a disappearing kind, a real 'John Wayne' kind of American. Join us in our monthly meeting by the old oak tree on Nathan Forest road and meet others like yourself.
P.S. BYOS---- Bring your own sheet.