AIPAC issues guidelines for US Congress
For our upcoming "Israel is the most peaceful nation on the Earth" seminar, to be held in Washington, DC May 3-5, 2009, AIPAC has issued the following correct protocols for those Senators and Reps that will be attending one of our many functions in DC. Those that choose not to, will be risking career suicide.
A typical session will be like this "Gala Banquet" that is to be held Sunday evening, May 4.
Senate Majority Whip Richard Durbin (D-IL), Republican Whip Jon Kyl (R-AZ), House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-MD) and House Republican Whip Eric Cantor (R-VA) join hundreds of their congressional colleagues, foreign dignitaries and activists from across the country in celebrating the U.S.-Israel alliance.
The following day, Senator John "LIPS" Kerry, chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, will be given a special one on one session behind closed doors.
Our most favorite Capitol Hill "HO," Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, is due to shed her skin that week and will not be able to attend.
And we are saddeded to accept former U.N. ambassador John Bolton's regrets that he will not be able to attend, since the honorable ambassador is recovering from anaphylactic shock, due to Mr. Bolton swallowing some of his own foam.
Our, oops, I mean "your" president, that Schwarz Obama, will be there in the person of MOSSAD agent Rahm Emanuel, Obama's Chief of Staff.
Upon entering the event, US Senators and Representatives will receive ONE complimentary Holocaust™ by DKNY gift bag, containing the following:
One tub of KY Jelly
One set of industrial strength knee pads and
One large box of tissues (For help in wiping off those unseemly white spots that get splattered on your face!)
Senators and Reps are reminded that in case of rectal tearing, AIPAC is not responsible for medical care.
And please, maintian protocol. The knee pads are not to be used for begging for money and attention.
The pads are to be used to help "facilitate" one on one action with your favorite Jewish idol.
Remember to celebrate AIPAC's theme that Israel is the world's most peaceful nation.... or ELSE!